


The Doctor Shakes His Asteroid

by Emachinescat



Category: Doctor Who, Phineas and Ferb
Genre: Crossover, Friendship, Gen, Humor
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-08-07
Updated: 2012-09-18
Packaged: 2018-01-14 08:59:27
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,234
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1260586
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Emachinescat/pseuds/Emachinescat
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The Doctor and Rose take a side-trip to an intergalactic milkshake bar, and upon arrival, they discover that the place has changed ownership since the last time the Doctor had visited. "Hey, aren't they a little young to own a milkshake bar in deep space?"</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Don't own either, for entertainment purposes only :)

"Here we are!" crowed the Doctor, grinning madly as he swung open the TARDIS doors and stepped out onto the rocky ground. "The Shooting Star Milkshake Bar, one of the oldest – and filthiest – earth-diner inspired galactic ice-cream shops in the universe!" he spread his arms in a grand gesture, his long overcoat flapping as he did so. "Whaddya think?"

Rose followed him out of the TARDS, eyebrows raised, obviously not too impressed. She noted the bland ground, dark sky, and pink-flowery rocket parked next to them. "It's… nice."

"Nice? Nice? No, it's not nice at  _all_ , in fact, the music's horrible, the patrons are  _boring_ , the milkshakes are  _horrid_ , and the atmosphere, although physically nearly identical to Earth's, is quite dull."

"That's my point!" Rose agreed, rolling her brown eyes. "I mean, we just finished getting knighted and banished by Queen Victoria, who  _wasn't_  amused, thank you very much, and now we're visiting a shady ol' space bar in the year…?" She raised an eyebrow questioningly.

The Doctor licked his finger and held it up, considering. "Early twenty-first century, definitely." He ran the same finger across the dusty rock ground and licked it. "Blech!" he complained at the taste, and Rose wrinkled her nose. "Yep,  _definitely_  early twenty-first. 2009. Yuck,  _not_  my favorite year. Now, 3009,  _that_  was a good year! That's when…  _well_ , suffice it to say I'm not allowed to talk about that year or time could collapse…  _well,_ would collapse. Definitely. Still,  _brilliant_  year."

Rose blinked, quite used to his mad rambling by now, and the Doctor didn't elaborate. He stuck his hands in his pinstripe suit pockets and rocked back and forth cheerily on his heels. " _Anyway_ , Doctor, if it's such a beat-up, run-down place, why're you taking me  _here_?"

"Didn't I tell you? Everything else is, well,  _blech_ , but they've got  _great_ coffee. Granted, it doubles as rocket fuel, but all the same, yum! And they've got little tea cakes shaped like bananas! Bananas, Rose!"

"Well, that changes everything!" Rose grinned, taking the Doctor's hand and steering him toward the neon-sign-lit entrance. "Come on!"

As they moved in closer to the building, the two travelers saw that a line had formed at the front doors and a buff, extraterrestrial security guard was busy keeping other aliens behind a thick, velvet rope. Lights flashed from inside and muffled music emanated from the milkshake bar. Rose glanced sidelong at the Doctor as they picked their way to the front of the line. "If this place is such a dump, why are there so many people… er… aliens… here?" she asked, and the Doctor shrugged.

"Last time I was here, the only customers were me, a Rexicorifalibitorian named Ted, and a couple other blokes. Now it's party-central, apparently. Wonder what happened?"

"Change of ownership," supplied the security guard, who had overheard their conversation. "This 'star' was bought by a couple of earthlings earlier today, and they've already shown up and started major renovations. Even going to change the name of the joint and everything. It's rockin' now!"

"Really?" the Doctor asked curiously. "Earthlings… but humans don't make it past the moon for  _years_. You sure they're from Earth?"

The guard rolled his eyes – all five of them – and scoffed. "Listen, pal, if you're not on the list, you're gonna have to leave." He cracked his knuckles to emphasize his point.

"Ah," said the Doctor, reaching into his coat and pulling out the psychic paper. "I've got an invitation, special from management, right here. I'm here to inspect the new renovations and this is Rose, the… milkshake tester."

Rose wiggled her fingers at the guard. "Hullo."

"Well, everything seems to be in order; so sorry for the inconvenience, Mr. Smith," the security guard said, his eyes scanning the blank paper. "Come on in."

As the Doctor and Rose were ushered past the velvet rope and into the milkshake bar, they heard an alien further back in line insist, "I'm a taste-tester too!"

The guard spat back sarcastically, "Thought you were the owners' sister?"

"Yeah, that too!"

"Oh, cannit… you're not getting in and that's final."

* * *

The Doctor and Rose entered the Shooting Star Milkshake Bar to find that it was, indeed, "rocking". The whole place was bursting with music, dancing, and milkshakes. Rose noted with amusement that the Doctor looked flabbergasted, which was new for the Time Lord who always seemed to know what was going on.

The song was catchy, and dozens of aliens on the dance floor and at the bar and tables sang along.

_"Yeah! There's a jumping little rock in the outer spiral arm, may not be pretty but it's got a lotta charm! It's the shooting star milkshake bar, yeah! It's not a nebula, it's not a quasar, it's the shooting star milkshake bar! At the speed of light, you know you're never too far from the meatiest meteor that you'll ever find in this big ol' galactic void… You've gotta shake, shake, shake, shake your asteroid! Shake, shake, shake…"_

"Doctor." Rose nudged him in the side, pointing to the middle of the restaurant where two kids – two  _humanoid_  kids – were standing on top of the bar, dancing along with the aliens, singing, and mixing shakes. "Those aren't the owners, are they?"

"Only one way to find out," the Doctor beamed as he led Rose through the crowd. The song over, the customers dispersed to their respective seats, talking excitedly as they did so.

They made it to the middle of the milkshake bar right as the two boys – they couldn't be more than ten or eleven – were talking to an older girl, also appearing to be human. "This is  _our_  star, Candace!" the shorter, red-haired kid announced. "We decided to fix it up a bit. Pride in ownership, you know."

The red-haired teenager opened her mouth to respond, but was cut off as the Doctor and Rose approached. "Hullo," the Doctor grinned. "I'd heard there were some new owners of this place and decided to have a peek. Haven't been here in  _years_. You've certainly livened the place up! Not that it could've been less lively, considering the last owner had been dead for fifteen years. His consciousness was stuck on a continuous loop in the Bluetooth-based exoskeleton. Nice chap, not exactly the life of the party, though. Oooh. Bad pun."

Rose stuck her tongue out from the corner of her mouth, grinning at the Time Lord's digression. She had a feeling that whatever he was talking about was  _way_  over the heads of a couple of human children.

To her complete astonishment, the red-haired kid replied, "But if his exoskeleton was based on Bluetooth tech, and he was looping, wouldn't he just do the same thing over and over?"

The Doctor raised his eyebrows, obviously impressed that these kids had even understood a word of what he'd just said. "'Course, you're absolutely right," he admitted, "but he told  _great_  stories. The same one every forty-two point seven minutes. Could set your watch by him."

"Uh… excuse me," the teenage girl snapped impatiently. "Who exactly are you, anyway?" She rounded on the red-haired kid and his companion, who had green hair. "And what are we still doing here? We've got to get back in time for the dance!"

"Ooooh, a dance!" the Doctor said excitedly. "I love dances; I'm rubbish at the Macarena, though. Sorry, I'm the Doctor. And this is Rose. Say hi, Rose."

Rose smiled cheekily. "Hi, Rose!" she repeated.

"I'm Phineas, and this is Ferb," said the ginger boy. "And this is Candace."

"So you really own this place? How'd that happen? Matter of fact…" The Doctor whipped out his sonic screwdriver and began to scan the boys, whose eyes widened at the contraption. "…yep, definitely human. But… humans don't reach this far for decades. How did you get here?"

Phineas and Ferb were still eying the sonic dreamily, but Phineas managed to tear his mind away from the device long enough to explain, "In our rocket. Well, Candace's rocket. She got over-excited and took ours instead. Then she lost it, but that's okay, because we had hers! It's always great to have two ships, just in case one gets pummeled by asteroids, don't ya think?"

The Doctor frowned. "Where'd you get a rocket from, anyway? Technology that advanced isn't supposed to be around for… well, a long time."

"We built it."

The Doctor and Rose both stared, astonished, at the two boys that stood before them. They blinked up innocently. "You built a rocket?" Rose echoed. She chuckled. "They're cute, aren't they, Doctor?"

"No, it's not  _cute_ ," Candace interrupted. "It's  _annoying_. They do stuff like this all the time. Elevators to the moon, roller coasters in the backyard, a backyard beach..."

"There's no way these kids did all that, right, Doctor? I mean, no one's got this kind of technology, 'specially not a bunch of kids."

The Doctor was smiling so wide that Rose was afraid he'd split his face in two. "Oh, you boys, you clever,  _clever_ boys!" he crowed. "You're brilliant, you are! Humans at their best. See, Rose, if the human race would stop looking toward all those high and mighty people in authority, maybe they'd come to realize that some of the best minds are right in their own backyard!"

"Well, we do start every day's activity in the backyard," Phineas supplied helpfully.

"Brilliant!"

"I don't believe this," Candace muttered, and stormed off across the bar and plopped down in an empty chair beside a two-faced green alien.

Rose smiled at Phineas and Ferb before following the other girl. It was obvious that something was bothering her and even though this wasn't the normal sort of trouble they encountered on their adventures, Rose just didn't feel right about leaving without helping someone out, even if it was nothing more than helping an over-dramatic fifteen-year-old with boy trouble.

Besides, with the Doctor gabbing away with his two new friends about sonic screwdrivers and rockets and nanobots and who knows what else, they'd probably be there for a while.


	2. Chapter 2

"…and then he'll say no, and everyone'll laugh at me, and then… BOOM! The Earth explodes, my life is  _over_!" Candace wailed, dropping her head into her hands.

Rose raised an eyebrow, amused. "You realize that's probably a worst-case scenario?"

Candace groaned and flopped her head back dramatically. "It'd be my luck," she complained.

Rose smiled sympathetically. "You really like this guy, yeah?"

Candace's eyes grew huge and dreamy, and Rose fancied that if this were a cartoon, she'd have little hearts circling her head. "Oh yeah…"

Rose giggled. "Then go for it."

"B-bu-but… BOOM!" Candace reminded Rose, waving her hands wildly in the air to emphasize her point.

Rose rolled her brown eyes. "I promise you," she said seriously, "I've traveled through time with the Doctor, Candace, and I was there when the Earth finally exploded. It was hundreds,  _thousands_  of years in the future. So asking Jeremy to the dance won't make the planet explode."

Candace narrowed her eyes. "Seriously?"

Rose laughed and made an "X" over her heart. "Cross my heart."

Candace looked a little more hopeful. "I'll bet that's easy for you to say, though," she grinned, waggling her eyebrows. "I mean, you've obviously got Mr. Perfect wrapped around your finger."

Rose blushed. "Mickey's  _not_  perfect…" She trailed off as her eyes followed Candace's to where the Doctor was still gabbing away with those two boys, jumping around and waving the Sonic every which way as he did so. Realizing that the over-imaginative red-haired teen was talking about the Doctor, her blush grew even deeper. "You mean the Doctor," she said softly. "I dunno, Candace."

" _What_?" Candace squealed. "There is  _no way_  you two are not an item! I mean, the way he looked at you and how, even now, he glances over every so often to make sure you're okay… You guys  _so_ are a couple."

"Well, we kissed," Rose admitted, still remembering her old Doctor with the leather jacket, big nose, bigger ears, and even bigger heart. Well, he had more than just kissed her. He had taken the time vortex inside of his head to save her, but Rose didn't feel like going into that just now. "But that was once. And for a while, I thought… but I dunno, really. I think he likes me. But—"

"OMG!" Candace crowed, jumping up from her seat and simultaneously scaring the alien on the other side of her into choking on his coffee-fuel drink. "You two are  _so_ right for each other!" Any hint that she was still worried about Jeremy had vanished. Rose knew that Candace was trying to help, but the fifteen-year-old really had no idea about what life was like with the Doctor. She couldn't begin to understand the complexities of her relationship with the Time Lord. Still, she didn't protest to Candace's squealing and fussing, because helping someone else out of their romantically linked funk seemed to be doing her own love life a world of good. Rose figured that she could sacrifice a bit of time to help Candace gain back enough confidence to ask Jeremy to the dance without fear of the world exploding. She did, however, draw the line when Candace pulled out a fake moustache for Rose to wear, obviously some part of a complicated, undercover plot to play matchmaker.

This Jeremy Johnson kid must have been a very patient guy.

* * *

The Doctor and Phineas and Ferb had been taking turns recounting their most exciting adventures while Rose was having "girl talk" with their older sister, Candace.

"…and  _then_ , the brobots surrounded us," Phineas said, his voice lowering. "Ferb and I were outnumbered, turned upon by our own creations! There was nowhere to run. The bots wee closing in…"

The Doctor's eyes were wide. "Had you learned  _nothing_  from Mary Shelley's  _Frankenstein_?" he questioned, an eyebrow quirked.

"Apparently not," Ferb put in. He didn't talk much, the Doctor had discovered, but when he did say something, it was usually witty or intelligent, or wittily intelligent (or intelligently witty). The ginger boy, Phineas, however, could give the Doctor a run for his money when it came to chattiness. That was saying something, but the Doctor didn't mind. In fact, he enjoyed it greatly. Of all the years he'd been traveling, never had he met anyone, young or old, that had been able to keep up with his technological ramble and add intelligent opinions and comments. It was astonishing, really, and the Doctor couldn't remember there being any child geniuses of this caliber during this time in history. He wasn't really worried about this being something that would change history, though, because according to the boys, every time they invented something, it mysteriously disappeared before their mom came home.

"But then, right after I melodramatically claimed that all was lost… I took the remote, which, as you recall, wasn't working – and switched it to DANCE instead!" Phineas proceeded to jump onto the counter and begin doing the robot. The Doctor grinned at his enthusiasm and the other customers cheered. "They stopped advancing and starting to break it down. And then… well, then they were gone," Phineas admitted, scratching his head. "Seems to happen a lot."

"Could be for the best; the world isn't quite ready for your incredible creations and advanced technology yet," the Doctor mused, scratching his chin. "I know it must be irritating though – I know; once I lost an entire planet, but to be fair, it wasn't  _really_ my fault. Wasn't my turn to watch it."

"Wow! That's so cool! We've never lost a whole  _planet_  before!"

"Yes, well… I eventually found it. Not that the people of Clom were very happy with me after that. Actually, they're  _still_  cross, even after I sent them a 'Sorry I Misplaced Your World' gift basket."

"Gift basket's can't fix everything, I suppose," Ferb mused.

"But it had bananas in it!  _Bananas!_ " the Doctor said, flabbergasted. "Who stays mad after bananas?"

"Fair point," said Phineas. "So… you're seriously a time traveler? You've done all that stuff you said? Saved Earth from aliens? Met Charles Dickens and Queen Victoria? The future?"

"Yep," the Doctor grinned, popping his "p". "I'm guessing time travel's a bit out of the picture, even for you two."

Phineas shook his head. "Not exactly. We've gone back in time and nearly got eaten by a T-Rex. Long story short, but you know those old cave drawings where the cavemen wear turtles on their heads?"

The Doctor nodded slowly.

"That was all us."

"What? You… went back in time and started prehistoric fashion trends?"

"Yeah… sorry, is that, like, against the laws of time or something?" Phineas was tugging at his ear, similar to what the Doctor did when he was thinking or unsure.

The Doctor shook his head. "No.  _Well_ , sort of.  _Weeeell,_ yes. Well, when I say yes, I mean… well, yes. But it's okay, because changing the past for cheap tricks is okay. Sometimes. And safety precautions, that's okay occasionally. Besides, those turtle helmets were quite lovely. I was given one once during the Neanderthal period. Named him Ted. Nice turtle, though I wish he came in red. Green's not my best color. You, though, my friend," he said, nodding reverently to Ferb, "You pull it off splendidly."

Ferb wagged his eyebrows and smoothed back his green hair, while Phineas agreed, "Yes, yes he does!"

"Just to be safe, though," the Doctor backtracked a bit, "you don't still have the time machine do you? Because technically, time travel hasn't been invented here yet, isn't even in the realm of the possible. Just… keep it under tabs, okay, gents?"

Phineas grinned and Ferb gave a thumbs up. "No worries, Doc!" Phineas said. "You can count on us. It belongs to the museum anyway. We just modified it."

"Ha! You boys are just amazing!" the Doctor said with glee.

"I'll say," said a purple, five-armed alien walking by with a shake in each of its hands. "They make the best shakes this side of the galaxy  _and_  they turned this dump into the coolest darn milkshake bar  _ever_! This star's never had better ownership! You guys are golden!"

"Well, as exciting as this has been," Phineas said, "I guess we'll have to be heading home soon. After all, Mom's making tacos tonight." He looked at the Doctor. "Would you and Rose like to join us? You could stay after dinner and show us how to make that beautiful screwdriver of yours…" He sighed dreamily. "Such a sleek design, so advanced, Doc! That has got to be the coolest thing  _ever!_ "

The Doctor chuckled. "Sorry, Phineas, but this is alien tech. Can't give away the secrets to just anyone, even anyones as exceptional as you two!"

Ferb narrowed his eyes. "You don't remember how you made it, do you?"

"Of course I do, what kind of a Time Lord would I be if… Okay, fine. It's TARDIS technology, and all wibbly-wobbly-timey-wimey and it's been a long day. I haven't remembered every single fact in the universe yet; it's only dinner time!"

"Ah, it's okay, Ferb and I will figure it out. And when we draw up the blueprints, we'll let you know!"

The Doctor ruffled the boys' hair. "I'll be awaiting your call. But Rose and I won't be able to stay, I'm afraid. Places to be, planets to save, that sort of thing. Plus, I'm not a taco person. More of a banana person myself."

"Couldn't tell," Phineas quipped. "Alright, well, it was great meeting you, Doc! We'd better get Candace and head out. Wow, she's really getting along with Rose, isn't she?"

The Doctor looked to where the red-haired girl was practically orbiting around Rose, making high-pitched noises and gushing on about boys and makeup and who knows what else. The Doctor saw that Phineas might be brilliant when it came to machinery, but with people, he might just be a little naïve. Rose looked overwhelmed, exhausted, and almost terrified of Candace's abundant, peppy, and apparently slightly psychotic energy. The Doctor winked and tipped his head toward the exit once he had Rose's attention, indicating that it was time to go. Rose quickly nodded, giving Candace a quick hug and saying something about the world not blowing up, and she ran for the Doctor.

"Nice chat?" the Doctor said coyly.

"Mmm," said Rose. "Nice girl, but a bit high strung.  _Well,_ " she amended in her best impersonation of the Doctor, "more than a bit.  _Well,_  a lot.  _Well,_  when I say that I mean the most high-strung girl I've ever met!" She stuck her tongue out, giggling at her own clever impersonation of the Doctor.

Completely at a loss, the Doctor gave her a strange look. "Who's that supposed to be?"

Rose rolled her eyes. "Never mind. Let's go, Doctor, we're going to be late for… something."

The Doctor grinned knowingly. "Yes, because we're going to be late for the past in a time machine."

Rose didn't miss a beat. "With your driving, we will be!"

"Oi!" Rose giggled.

"Wait, before we leave, one more thing," the Doctor added. He turned to where Phineas and Ferb were walking out of the milkshake bar with cheering aliens on all sides. "Wait, boys, before you leave, there's something I think you might want to see!"

* * *

Phineas and Ferb stood inside the TARDIS's console room, their mouths hanging open, eyes wide and staring. "It's so much bigger on the inside!" Phineas declared, spreading his arms wide. "Ferb, get a load of this! This has got to be the COOLEST thing I've ever seen!"

Ferb whistled in appreciation.

"Tell you what," the Doctor said as Rose made herself comfortable in a chair near the console, glad to finally be able to get some rest after being worn down by Candace's hyperactivity, "You boys take your rocket and your car home, find that wandering pet platypus you were telling me about, and give me anywhere between… mmmm… two hours and two years. Still perfecting my landings. I was only a century off last time. I should be able to get within a couple years of your timeline. Then you can come on a trip with us, if you want."

"Cool," Phineas agreed, "though you might be able to fix your landing time if you just adjust the—"

"Nonononono!" the Doctor protested loudly, covering his ears. "I don't wanna know; I like the mystery of it all!"

"Alright," Phineas said. "Thanks for everything! See you soon. Or not. Whatever works best for you! C'mon, Ferb. Let's get Candace. Boy, I hope she didn't do anything to run down the battery in the rocket, or we might be late for dinner! Bye, Doctor, bye Rose!"

"Bye, boys!" the Doctor shouted. "Just… keep being  _brilliant!_ "

Rose stared at the TARDIS doors as they shut after Phineas and Ferb left. "Seriously, though," she said, scratching her left temple in thought. "Aren't they a little young to own a milkshake bar in deep space?"

The Doctor grinned his slightly crazed, irresistible grin, pushed some buttons and pulled some levers, and the TARDIS jerked and begun to hum and disappear. "Oooh, yes," the Doctor said madly, and Rose couldn't help but burst into laughter, "yes they are!"

* * *

As the TARDIS began to dematerialize in front of their eyes, Phineas looked at Ferb and said, "I  _so_  know what we're doing tomorrow, Ferb."

* * *

Rose was half-heartedly watching the screen in the TARDIS as the machine hurdled through space. She started as she thought she saw something, but then shook her head, snorting at her silliness.

"What?" the Doctor asked. "What's so funny? Have I got something in my teeth again?"

"No," Rose said, "but I think I need to get some rest. Having girl time with Candace must have made me more exhausted than I thought. I just thought I saw something… weird."

"What?" the Doctor asked, coming to take a seat beside her and propping his crimson Converse clad feet on the console. "What'd you think you saw? As my good friend Sherlock Holmes once said – and he's real, mind you, but that's another story – after you've eliminated the possible, the impossible remains. It's a paraphrase, but you get the idea. So what was it?"

"A platypus," Rose said dubiously. "A teal platypus with a fedora and a space helmet on, being chased by a metal robot with enormous hands through deep space."

The Doctor blinked. "Well, Sherlock wasn't right about everything," he amended. "Maybe you should get some rest; you're room's moved since last night, I think. It's now down the leftmost corridor, five doors down and on the right. Sorry about that, but the TARDIS has been redecorating. She likes to keep busy when we're popping out for a spell."

After Rose had left to rest up, the Doctor chuckled. "A robot with giant hands, I'll buy that. I'll even take a platypus in a fedora. But a platypus in a fedora in space?  _Nah!_ " Still chortling tov himself, he sat back, relaxed, and enjoyed the ride.

* * *

Meanwhile, from the interior of a giant robot spaceship with big hands, a crazed German scientist screamed, "Curse you Perry the Platypus!" and a teal platypus with a fedora and a space helmet sped away through space.

**The End**


End file.
